It's Wet and It's Dry

Sweet baby lord

Hello, I'm Shelley Duvall

 ArrggggghhhhEEEE ....Hello? via Celluloid Slammer

Childrens orchestra plays the theme song from 2001: A space odyssey

Grizzly 2 (1983-ish)

So there are a lot of sought after and legendary pieces of media that aficionados discuss and speculate about, like the Beach Boy's Smile album or Jerry Lewis' The Day the Clown cried, some of which have eventually surfaced or been released, and for my money, destroy the mystique and never live up to the built-up hype. Chinese Democracy, anyone?

Anyways, to a lesser degree I guess you could call Grizzly 2 one of those, only for the reason that it featured early appearances by George Clooney, Laura Dern, John Rhys-Davies and Charlie Sheen. I had read recently that a copy of the work print surfaced and through some digging, researching and haggling, I got a copy of it and also now have GoldenCasino.com tattoos in my arm pits.

Being a work print, it's very unfinished, so it's hard to say what level of awesome it could have wound up being. In its current state...it's pretty ridiculous. Awful sound, not much grizzly or any effects for that mater and a terribly incomplete finale are what we get. And I've actually seen finished movies that resemble this completeness, so I assume this could have been an awesome crazy Jaws-like huge animal rampage story.

still from horror movie diary

The premise is that there's a huge concert going down in the woods, and nearby hunters kill the huge cub of a huger mama bear who decides that killing all peoples is her only recourse. Almost like Orca or Jaws 3. That's it. With finale pretty much unfinished, how it ends is a little mysterious, but what we do know is that this gigantic bear ends up with a front row seat to the show, and by that I mean tangled up in a wall speakers flailing around. The huge crowd loves it! Here's a fan edited version of the finale to try and make sense of it:

But the best part is the music! The (temporary?) soundtrack consists of two Michael Jackson songs on repeat and the groups playing concert are hilarious italo-disco bands like Toto Coelo and other euro-dudes with short shorts. There's some pretty awesome rehearsal scenes for fans of camp, which we are.

THE BURNING QUESTION: Clooney, Sheen and Dern all die at the hand of the bear POV camera, and their total combined screen time is maybe 5 minutes max. So there.

The production was shut down for now unknown reasons, though speculation has run from dried up financing, to being ousted by the Hungarian government over paying for permits to special effects problems with the grizzly. Nick Maley who did effects on the movie has said that wasn't an issue though, but I dunno, the little that was produced look butt junky. Who knows. There are a few articles and interviews online that discuss the production, but now that it's semi-available, I can't imagine anyone caring. The mystique is gone! The film is unfinished! I can't say it's worth the effort or money or emotional/physical sacrifice to track this down.

Here's something you don't see everyday...

Movie Poster of the Day: Rubber (2011)

Yep, the movie is about a "killer tire"...and we couldn't be more excited for its upcoming release on April 1st. Watch the trailer here.

Synopsis of a Potentially Amazing Forthcoming Bobcat Godlthwait Directed Film

In an appearance on the Adam Carolla Show last week, Bobcat Goldthwait said,

"There’s a middle aged guy and he’s at home watching a show like My Super Sweet 16, you know that show?…there’s always a horrible kid who gets everything she wants…”I wanted an Escalade! You ruined everything!” So he’s sitting at home watching a show like that, and he drives 400 miles and kills that girl — spoiler alert! — and then her friend, well not a friend, a classmate, is going “did you kill Chloe?” and he doesn’t say anything, and she goes “awesome.” So then they get in this stolen Camero and drive around and kill people. We’re hoping for a Christmas release...And it's called "God Bless America!"

(via /Film)

Shredded Bubblegum Collection

This is a neat little collection. Amurol/Wrigley, the makers of Big League Chew, also licensed characters to sell variations on the gum. So you get stuff like Garfield's Stripes, Godzilla Shreds and Rambo, well, Bubblegum. These come via flickr user Jason Liebig who has a massive set of packaging and comics ephemera. Click for much larger sized versions.

Retarded Trailer For the Movie "Dogfather"

This movie exists.

Watch: "Nic Cage Loses His Shit" Compilation

Brilliant!
(via Gawker)

WTF!? Bizarre Finnish Man Shows Off His VCR Collection

...And I thought us Camp Movie Camp kids were strange.

Young MacGyver (2003)

YES this is real. And YES it is terrible. Firstly, if you're a fan of the original series, you'd know that MacGyver was an only child, so the fact that this series stars his nephew is a bit odd. Why wouldn't they just run with the fact that Mac had a kid in the series?!

This planned WB series never got beyond filming the 2003 pilot, and in fact it never actually aired. The show takes more from the MacGyver pilot than the series in that it's way more about espionage and spies and stuff, and less about Mac getting out of precarious situations with every day bad dudes. Young MacGyver, Clay, played by Jared Paledecki works for his uncle's previous employer, the Phoenix Foundation doing whatever it is they actually do. But unlike his uncle, young Clay is know for his brash and devil-may-care attitude that seems everyone hates. The only thing that keeps him around is the fact that he's Richard Dean Anderson's nephew.

The whole plot is beyond ridiculous, but I must admit that the idea of new MacGyver-esque show appeals to me. I just wish they would make it not stupid. SEE BELOW FOR STUPIDS:

The rest of the show is available via that video's page if you're interested in being upset. But if you're interested in being amazed, see below:

Mr. T Has Allergies

by unaesthetic

The Overt Gayness of "A Nightmare on Elm Street 2"

A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge is not only the creepiest installment of the classic '80s horror series, with its demonic opening scene, lizard lashing tongues, and body snatcher plotline, but it turns out that it is also the GAYEST.

Often referred to as The Homo Nightmare, the film is wrought with gay overtones that you may or may not have picked up on as a kid (I for one never realized it and the producers plead ignorance as well). It also turns out that the actor who played the lead role of Jesse was in fact a closeted homosexual at the time. See the evidence in the pics below and WATCH A FULL ANALYSIS OF IT IN THIS CLIP FROM A RECENT DOCUMENTARY . (Quicktime video).

Everyone, Stop What You Are Doing and Watch The Trailer For Sean Connery's Comeback Movie "Sir Billi"

Great job, Sir Sean!

Blair Week: Grotesque (1987)

In collaboration with a selection of the finest film blogs the infranet has to offer CampMovieCamp is proud to contribute this quality post to Blair Week, a six day extravaganza expounding on the virtues of Linda Blair and her legacy of quality motion pictures. Don't believe me? Just read on...



Welcome to CMC's contribution to Linda Blair Week, Day 2! Usually, I will post a few ridiculous lines and put a video or two or whatever and I also know I tend to glaze over plot and story descriptions, because honestly, none of the movies we "review" have much of a plot. But not today! In honor of Blair Week, I am going balls out on this piece! If you just want the videos and pictures, there are plenty of those still, don't worry. I will highlight the exciting bits for you skimmers/lazy people. Let's get Grotesque!

Linda Blair and her buddy are going to visit her family in remote cabin area, and have a run in a VW van full of "punkers" led by a deranged uber dramatic Billy Idol lookin punker named Scratch. And in an odd bit random casting, we have Robert Z'dar as one of Scratch's sidekicks! I think he maybe has two lines in the whole movie, but his face does most of the talkin' anyways. Anyways, the punkers here there is a "big secret" in Linda Blair's house, which they reason out to be only two rational options: dope or money.

Z'DAR!!!

Overacting below:

So Blair and her friend arrive at her parents' house, and her dad introduces himself as a movie make up effects genius, and we also learn that her uncle is a plastic surgeon: "dad [turns] people into monsters, and uncle rod [turns] monsters into handsome people." But truly, dad's movie-making genius really just amounts to pranking the kids with masks and fake limbs.

That night, the punkers invade and kill the shit out of everyone, and throw Linda B out a window, only to realize that the family doesn't have money, jewels or dope. It's pretty terrible to watch, I kinda hate home invasion type movies, they really make me cringe more than anything else, I dunno why. But the terribly underused Robert Z'dar finally discovers what the secret is...

A HIDEOUSLY DEFORMED MAN LIVING BEHIND A BOOKCASE!

"Oh shit!"

Said deformed man proceeds to then kill the shit out of the punkers in a fit of revenge, a few of which scurry out into the snowy woods surrounding the cabin. So let me catch us up. Out in the woods we now have a crew of homicidal punkers, a deformed man out for blood, and Linda Blair.

After smashing more of the punkers into bits, the deformed guy is finally killed. but not before we get a few awesome bits of dialogue: "You know I'm getting tired of running from this thing!" No shit lady! I don't think anyone would enjoy being chased by a melted-face man who wants to kill you. Cut to a couple of punkers hiding in a mine shaft "You can face the maniac or freeze your ass off." "My ass doesn't get cold."

So grotesque man finally finds Linda Blair after she gets caught by a woods punker, but he thinks she's dead and flips out.

The shopkeeper from earlier (I didnt mention him before, but there was a shopkeeper) comes by to go fishing with Linda Blair's dad, and you can imagine what a scene that must be to walk into. Oh wait, you don't have to, they reshow it to you no less than 67 times before he opens the front door, to which he rather calmly exclaims "Oh my god!"

Uncle Rod (Tab Hunter) FINALLY shows up, and the man hunt for the remaining punkers begins. And here we get one of my favorite lines of the film, "when someone's running for their life, they get animal instincts...sometimes better than an animal." So wait, what kind of instincts are better than animal instincts? I mean, I never considered "animal instincts" a measure of instinct per se, just a type, no? So maybe one could maybe go: bad instincts, so-so instincts, good instincts, animal instincts, better-than-animal instincts...WHAT THE HELL ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE? I have 2 cats and a dog, and they are all incredibly stupid, and make terrible decisions on a daily basis. My dog tries to eat the cats' poop all day! So maybe he means the punkers know better than to eat cat poop while they are running for their life. That makes sense to me.

Soon, all parties collide and grotesque man wrestles with the punkers, and the cops shoot the face of grotesque man and Uncle Rod completely freaks out. The movie gets all weird at this point, and is more like an episode of law & order.



Uncle Rod, after fining out that Linda Blair is died in the hospital and realizing that the punkers are going to get cut loose, loses his shit and storms off, to which the cops observe, "Sounds like a man who's going to take matters into his hands." "Frankly Blaine, I don't give a damn." Terrible policing gentlemen, just terrible. He even kidnaps the released punkers IN FRONT OF THE POLICE STATION! Again, terrible policing by all at the station. During the following scene, we find out the deformed guy was Uncle Rod's son, Patrick, (whom he calls retarded) and his brother raised him as a favor for some reason. Kind of shitty parenting by keeping him in a bookcase. Just sayin. We also learn that Uncle Rod is deformed looking too, and he pulls his mask off, proclaiming he doesn't need it having seen the true face of disgust in the punkers. Ok wait so let's back up one moment here...Uncle Rod is a freak and has a freak son, but where is the kid's mom? Did I miss a line of dialogue somewhere? I am assuming he kept the mask on during sex times?




We then see that Uncle Rod has made freaks of the punkers and is now keeping them in Patrick's old room behind the bookcase at his brother's house. If this has all gotten to be too much for you, then you're not alone because apparently filmmakers had enough too. The whole movie I just spent about 80 ridiculous minutes with is then revealed to be playing in a theater in which the wolfman and Frankenstein's monster have taken over the projection booth. They shut down the movie to give the movie goers a "real" dose of horror. They then run out and scare everyone then embrace in an oddly comedic ending with vaudeville music leading in the credits. I swear I did not just make that up, though it really is something I might tell my wife was the ending to a movie she fell asleep during.




I have a feeling at one point, director Joe Tornatore wanted to deliver a grand message that gets lost in translation, or rather, super heavy handedness. Numerous times they dish up the notion of real vs. fake/grotesque either through hideous dialogue ("Sometimes I don't know what's real or fake anymore" and "We're people, REAL PEOPLE, everyone else is phony!"), the deformed cousin living in the walls, through the movie make-up/plastic surgery professions, and even BOTH endings are overtly basking in this concept. For the life of me, I have no idea what that final message is intended to be because the whole package is kind of a weird mess, going from domestic terror, to monster chase, to courtroom drama, to vaudevillian ending. Are we to question who the truly grotesque ones are in the film? Perhaps it's more "actions speak louder than looks?" Are we supposed to question our own realities? Cherish the different? Cherish the accepted? Take the law into our own hands? Fuck if I know. Even if there was kind of a message, it was all thrown out by the ending, like an "Aw shucks, never mind!" postscript. This movie is truly an anomaly.

Here's the original trailer:

Our colleagues are bringing fresh Linda related content all week long:
Monday May 10:
Lost Video Archive - Savage Streets
Satan's Hope Chest - Chained Heat and Savage Island
Tuesday:
Camp Movie Camp - Grotesque
The Horror Section - Hell Night
Full Moon Reviews - Bailout
Wednesday:
Illogical Contraption gets Repossessed
Lines That Makes Things drops original Linda inspired artwork
Breakfast In the Ruins - Exorcist II
Thursday:
B Movies and Beyond - Summer of Fear
Camp Movie Camp - Nightforce
Friday:
The Manchester Morgue - Rollerboogie
Happy Otter - The Chilling
Ninja Dixon - The Witchery
Saturday:
Lost Video Archive - Born Innocent
Unflinching Eye wraps it up with a look at Linda's fall from grace.

WTF: Gremlins Face paint

I am sort of unsure what to say about this gentleman's facial painting endeavors. This is certainly one of the most ridiculous and frightening things I've seen recently, but he does have a few odd movie themed face paints, including both mogwai and gremlin, as shown below...

Also check out Mondo Tees' post on the even more meta novelized version of the Hulk Hogan scene from Gremlins 2! And be sure to look up the John Wayne home video version.

WTF Comcast?

As I have often pondered the question, "Who writes this crap?!" while perusing the Comcast On Demand selection, I was stoked to find, WTF Comcast! Nice one!

via Coudal via Slashfilm

WTF of the Month: Cliffhanger Video Game

ET may have caused the video game crash of 1983, but ten years later Cliffhanger caused me to have acid reflux. I know this is somewhat off topic, but with the "reboot" ahead and my awkward appreciation for most things '90s Stallone (yes, including Oscar), I felt it appropriate to give you guys acid reflux also.


First of all, WTF, how come no one told me about this game before today? It may completely suck, but I would have loved this in the 8th grade. That be may saying more about me as an 8th grader than anything. Movie tie-in games generally do tend to, let's face it, suck. And while we won't be breaking any news on a 15-year old game here—Cliffhanger was awarded worst game of 1994 from EGM—we can bring this little stinker back to the surface for some air before we drown it again. I love how they picked the LEAST actiony shot of Stallone for the cover. He may as well be sipping a cup of coffee as he dangles there.

What's worse than the worst game of 1994? The Gameboy version, that's what.

If you're a glutton for punishment, grab a copy for the platform of your choice on ebay, or snag a rom online.

To make it up to you, enjoy these Cliffhanger goodies, including the epic Trevor Jones score, found at the apparently defunct Scores of Scores.

Trevor Jones - Cliffhanger Score