One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach, all the damn...MICHAELS...
Showing posts with label Tribute. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tribute. Show all posts
9/14/09
The Barbarians (part 2): Barbarian Queen 1 & 2
Let me get two things out of the way immediately. First, Barbarian Queen sucks. Second, Barbarian Queen II sucks. I hope I haven't offended any prepubescent genre lovers out there, but there is little to find of worth in this pairing. They are however, completely hilarious. One of the only redeeming parts is the endearing performances by the late Lana Clarkson, yes the Lana Clarkson that Phil Spector murdered. She stars in both, though she plays different characters in each, and neither are related in any way unless you count Clarkson, swords, boobs and Clarkson's sword wielding boobs. It may be the downer of knowing her fate that make's these hard to watch because she's so young and anxious looking here. It's unfortunate her career never took off, though her acting isn't the best truthfully, she really is the best thing about the movies.
screen from mcbeardo.com
The second best thing about them are the quotables, for just one example, "My stomach...it feels like there's bears in it." Typing it now doesn't do it justice, context is key I guess. Ok, plots in 20 seconds: First Clarkson's sister is kidnapped by horny Roman dudes, she fights back! Second time around Clarkson's emperor dad dies and evil dudes wanna take his magic sceptre, she fights back!
I think, if you were to hold my feet over a vat of boiling pig fat (or you were flickchart) and make me choose a favorite of the two, I'd have to go with part 2, if only for the more hilarious plot involving the magic sceptre and prissy young princess who, via magic and wishing, ages to be a woman and is then killed by her father. Oh, spoiler alert.
Here's a funny clip
All this being said, as I usually do, I recommend these as a double feature at least one viewing. Get some friends, some booze, and a sense of humor, and you'll be a-okay. And the posters are amazing, everyone remember Boris Vallejo? He lives in Allentown! Who knew?
Buy Both Barbarian Queen 1 & 2 as a double feature
3/16/09
The Great Epic Ape Attack Of ‘09
If you’re anything like me, and I’m assuming you are because you’re reading this, there’s sometimes a bit more satisfaction in watching a really good knock-off than watching a really good movie. It’s like knowing a deep dark secret a good friend tells you in confidence, but you already heard the fact casually from his older brother.
Today we look (laugh) at the lesser siblings of Kong, and though one could make the argument that Peter Jackson’s version deserves to be profiled, I think while it sucks, it doesn’t suck in the awesome way that might earn it a place in this post. It Just sucks. So we begin with Kong's epic comeback story, King Kong Lives.
Thanks to advances in ‘80s gigantic primate medicine, doctors are able to revive Kong from his decade-long coma by way of a massive heart transplant. His heart is not only weakened by the previous film’s traumas, but by his new love, Lady Kong. And Linda Hamilton.
Prior to making her dramatic turn in Lives, Ms. Kong can be found whipping up comedy mischief in her first starring role as Queen Kong. This British hunk of ape turd was produced in ‘76 amid Kong fervor due to the original remake.
Not to be outdone, the Chinese volley a year later with The Mighty Peking Man.Tarantino has since released this on DVD through his distribution company, so check it out!
Before any of these ‘70s Kong rip-offs, came Konga, the original poo-slinging copycat. And if you couldn’t smell the Kong-itutde from hearing the title alone, it’s original theatrical poster directly compares the two. Of note: Konga's career actually had a minor run in comic books also. EDIT: I’m not sure how I could have made this incredible editorial oversight, but Konga also stars Michael Gough, who some twenty years later would go one to be everyone’s favorite Batman butler, Alfred in the ‘80s and ‘90s series!
And in the essence of brevity, if I can still be afforded that at this point, with no comment check out Kong's two Japanese title bouts between Godzilla and a mechanized version of himself.
If you’re still with me at this point, you’re lucky, ’cause as is often the case, we’ve saved the best for last.
Did we miss any contenders? Let us know in the comments!
Today we look (laugh) at the lesser siblings of Kong, and though one could make the argument that Peter Jackson’s version deserves to be profiled, I think while it sucks, it doesn’t suck in the awesome way that might earn it a place in this post. It Just sucks. So we begin with Kong's epic comeback story, King Kong Lives.
Thanks to advances in ‘80s gigantic primate medicine, doctors are able to revive Kong from his decade-long coma by way of a massive heart transplant. His heart is not only weakened by the previous film’s traumas, but by his new love, Lady Kong. And Linda Hamilton.
Prior to making her dramatic turn in Lives, Ms. Kong can be found whipping up comedy mischief in her first starring role as Queen Kong. This British hunk of ape turd was produced in ‘76 amid Kong fervor due to the original remake.
Not to be outdone, the Chinese volley a year later with The Mighty Peking Man.Tarantino has since released this on DVD through his distribution company, so check it out!
Before any of these ‘70s Kong rip-offs, came Konga, the original poo-slinging copycat. And if you couldn’t smell the Kong-itutde from hearing the title alone, it’s original theatrical poster directly compares the two. Of note: Konga's career actually had a minor run in comic books also. EDIT: I’m not sure how I could have made this incredible editorial oversight, but Konga also stars Michael Gough, who some twenty years later would go one to be everyone’s favorite Batman butler, Alfred in the ‘80s and ‘90s series!
And in the essence of brevity, if I can still be afforded that at this point, with no comment check out Kong's two Japanese title bouts between Godzilla and a mechanized version of himself.
If you’re still with me at this point, you’re lucky, ’cause as is often the case, we’ve saved the best for last.
Did we miss any contenders? Let us know in the comments!
R.I.P. Ron Silver
Ron Silver died of esophageal cancer yesterday. He was 62.
Back in the day, I used to play a game called "The Movie Game" with friends. Basically, Person A names a movie, Person B then has to name an actor in that movie, then Person A has to name a different movie that actor was in. It goes on and on like that until one person stumps the other. It's kinda like 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon.
The reason I mention this is because I would often use Ron Silver to stump my friends. I got to know many of his movies by studying his filmography on IMDB.
To celebrate his career, here are 5 essential Ron Silver movies:
The Arrival (1996)
Charlie Sheen, Ron Silver, aliens...what more could you want in a movie?
The Entity (1981)
A woman is constantly raped by a ghost and it's up to Ron Silver to figure out how to make it stop.
Eat and Run (1986)
A fat alien is going around eating earthlings and it's up to Ron Silver to figure out how to make it stop.
Silent Rage (1982)
The movie's tagline: Science created him. Now Chuck Norris must destroy him.
All that and it's got Ron Silver!
Timecop (1994)
Van Damme, Silver, time traveling...this movie's got it all.
Ron Silver, you will be missed.
Back in the day, I used to play a game called "The Movie Game" with friends. Basically, Person A names a movie, Person B then has to name an actor in that movie, then Person A has to name a different movie that actor was in. It goes on and on like that until one person stumps the other. It's kinda like 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon.
The reason I mention this is because I would often use Ron Silver to stump my friends. I got to know many of his movies by studying his filmography on IMDB.
To celebrate his career, here are 5 essential Ron Silver movies:
The Arrival (1996)
Charlie Sheen, Ron Silver, aliens...what more could you want in a movie?
The Entity (1981)
A woman is constantly raped by a ghost and it's up to Ron Silver to figure out how to make it stop.
Eat and Run (1986)
A fat alien is going around eating earthlings and it's up to Ron Silver to figure out how to make it stop.
Silent Rage (1982)
The movie's tagline: Science created him. Now Chuck Norris must destroy him.
All that and it's got Ron Silver!
Timecop (1994)
Van Damme, Silver, time traveling...this movie's got it all.
Ron Silver, you will be missed.
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