Alien 2: On Earth (1980)

Italian horror/sci-fi movie Alien 2:On Earth is supposed to be an unofficial sequel to the 1979 Ridley Scott Alien. While it doesn't really have any echoes of that movie other than having, you know, an alien in it, it is pretty creative init's own right. The beginning is kind of slow, following a group of spelunkers on their way do their thang. Once they get down in the ground, all hell breaks loose when they discover a organism down there that kind looks like rocks. I kinda dug this movie quite a bit, for what it is.



I get why they wanted to hop on the Alien-train and cash in, but really there's not a thing about this that reminds me of Alien. It's present day it seems, and the alien I guess is more of a shape shifter rather than a recognizable creature, but this has more to do with budget limitations I'm sure. It's almost like The Descent meets The Thing meets Zombi 2. If you dig Italian zombie movies I say definitely check this out, blu-ray if you can, and be patient during the opening act, and you'll see awesome things like this:

As always I may be in the minority on stuff like this, but give it a shot. It's not art. It's not cinema. But it's pretty fun. Grab it from Amazon.

VHS Cover of the Day: Devilfish aka Monster Shark (1984)

WHO IS BOB?

MJRM2009: Ratman (1988)

Rat Month squeaks on at CMC, with the equally high/low point in Nelson de la Rosa's small career. With Rat Man, de la Rosa had his first and only starring role. Also in Rat Man, he finds ultimate exploitation at the hands of its director, Giuliano Carnimeo who is only interested in the gimmick. The movie really only serves to have the world's littlest actor be a scary rat-monkey with poisonous claws and is super tiny and angry and hungry and tiny and tiny. Ladies scream. Blood is shed. Valuable time is lost on this hunk of rodent feces. You may have seen this movie already, but if not, maybe go for his later appearance in The Island of Dr. Moreau as mini-Brando.







Sadly, Nelson de la Rosa passed two years ago, but here's the weird thing: He died on my birthday in Providence, Rhode Island while I was living there! I have no recollection of what I was doing at the time, but somewhere across town, the world lost a real gem of a man. I wish I had been more aware of his career and passing. His later years he spent being a good luck fixture in the Red Sox dugout with friend and fellow Dominican Pedro Martinez. Everyone had nothing but amazing things to say about him. He was also one hell of a dancer.



Buy Rat Man here

The Barbarians (part 1)

Before Asylum films, the world had Italy and Turkey, whose film industries in the ‘70s and ‘80s in large part consisted of popular hollywood copycat films. We’ve previously mentioned the ‘80s “Barbarian” craze that Conan started, but today’s features from Italy really...uh...shine...

Yor (1983)

I know what youre thinking “I love Conan the Barbarian and Star Wars and Wayne’s World, and can’t pick which one is my favorite!” Now you dont have to! Let me explain. The movie opens with Yor doing some kind of aerobic runs through the highlands. Barbarian, check. In the end, yes, Yor realizes he’s a hunter, from the future, and him and the barbarians he lives with become expert laser marksmen against the foes from the future. Lasers, check.

Just prior to the credits (and the epic outro music), the knowing voiceover reveals that Yor now has a chance to change the past, “Yor returns to the primitive tribes on the mainland, he is determined to use his superior knowledge to prevent them from making the same mistakes as his forefathers, will he succeed?“ I always appreciate a sequel set-up, but, uh, we've got to be talking at least 300,000 years of history and, unless I missed something, he’s not “Yor, the Immortal Hunter from the Future.”

Yor, Hunter from the Future kind of gives away huge plot details just in its title and poster but it’s still really fun to watch, espceially because Yor looks like a muscley Garth. Check.





Check out the whole thing on YouTube

Or buy it on VHS

And, as one extra added bonus of sweet magic, here’s a piece from the now out of print epic soundtrack!

Guido and Maurizio De Angelis - Yor’s World (from Yor, Hunter from the Future)

Conquest (1983)

Goddam Lucio Fulcio knows how to make a movie! Also released in 1983 Conquest has the most banging opening 10 minutes evar: exposed brains, lots of boobs, talking werewolves, a lady being ripped in half, cannibalism and serpentine-eroticism. Fulci is the Italian grandaddy of gory-epic-awesome who also made other great films such as Zombie 2 and the New York Ripper. This film is totally weird, set in an unknown ancient land, has a sexy Destro villain with trippy monsters and lasers and lots and lots of fog. See for yourself below.



Buy Conquest

Or rent it from Netflix

Stay tuned for more absurd barbarianism in future posts.