Young MacGyver (2003)

YES this is real. And YES it is terrible. Firstly, if you're a fan of the original series, you'd know that MacGyver was an only child, so the fact that this series stars his nephew is a bit odd. Why wouldn't they just run with the fact that Mac had a kid in the series?!

This planned WB series never got beyond filming the 2003 pilot, and in fact it never actually aired. The show takes more from the MacGyver pilot than the series in that it's way more about espionage and spies and stuff, and less about Mac getting out of precarious situations with every day bad dudes. Young MacGyver, Clay, played by Jared Paledecki works for his uncle's previous employer, the Phoenix Foundation doing whatever it is they actually do. But unlike his uncle, young Clay is know for his brash and devil-may-care attitude that seems everyone hates. The only thing that keeps him around is the fact that he's Richard Dean Anderson's nephew.

The whole plot is beyond ridiculous, but I must admit that the idea of new MacGyver-esque show appeals to me. I just wish they would make it not stupid. SEE BELOW FOR STUPIDS:

The rest of the show is available via that video's page if you're interested in being upset. But if you're interested in being amazed, see below:

Blue Boy

TYPICAL!

Mazes and Monsters (1982)

I was never into Dungeons & Dragons as a kid, for no reason really. It alway seemed cool, you know, dragons are kick ass, and I had never been in a dungeon but they also seemed pretty sweet. None of this matters really, but I think my ignorance about the game pales in comparison to Rona Jaffe's, the author responsible for the book on which this made-for-tv movie is based.

This movie is ridiculous and very superficial. Couple that with the fact nearly every time I see Tom Hanks on screen, I can only hear him yelling "Hooch!!" with tears in his eyes, and you can kind of understand my experience with this movie. The basic premise is that playing Dungeons & Dragons (here called Mazes & Monsters) makes you crazy. The book is based on shoddy newspaper reports about the disappearance of a D&D player which was then later followed by a book by a private investigator on the case that clears up the inaccuracies Jaffe peddled. The player, James Dallas Egbert, has a pretty tragic story actually; it really sucks that Jaffe shitted on his situation for personal gain.

All this being said, I actually did enjoy this in a weirdo, nostalgic way. There's some completely idiotic dialogue about D&D and the people who play it that's really hilarious. But I think I mostly miss the made-for-tv movie events of the '80s that this fell into. Also, seeing a super baby-faced Tom Hanks is pretty entertaining.

Grab a copy of Mazes and Monsters on DVD.

Ten More Movies Turned Failed TV Shows

Ok. After our previous dig into the wretched depths of small screen adaptations, the general consensus is that not only are there way more pieces to examine, but there could possibly be way worse pieces as well. We won't argue either point, as we said before, there are a ton of shitty short-lived television shows based movies, at least compared to the successes. So, again we present ten more examples of boob tube boobery. Shows of note: Bill and Ted (I wish this one would've made it...), Gung Ho with Scott Bakula as Michael Keaton (also with Clint Howard and Gede Watanabe), Working Girl with Sandra Bullock (do you think she remembers making this show? No one else does), and Freddy's Nightmares, and like the Friday the 13th show, it has little to do with the movies really. It's more of an anthology show. And perhaps the most baffling, The Net. Seriously?

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures



Weird Science



Freddy's Nightmares



BeastMaster



Mortal Kombat: Conquest



F/X: The Series



Tales From the Neverending Story



Working Girl



The Net



Gung Ho

What're your favorite failed movie TV shows?

Silver Screen to Small Stinky Screen

People will often say Hollywood is hard up for ideas with all the remakes and unnecessary sequels/prequels/reboots but one could definitely argue that television has had a rougher go of it. There are enough crappy shows out there that producers will want a sure thing, "Hey! That movie was good! Let's make a it show! Yay!" There have been some successes for sure, biggies like MASH, Buffy, Stargate, The Odd Couple, Young Indiana Jones was even a decent show. I think some people even like the Terminator Sarah Connor show. There have a been a ton really. But check out this small sampling of ridiculous and short lived small screen spin offs, some of which i admittedly tuned in for...

Timecop (1997)



Uncle Buck (1990)



Delta House (Animal House) (1979)



Honey I Shrunk the Kids (1997)



Harry and the Hendersons (1991)



Tremors (2003)



Ferris Bueller (1990)



Robocop (1994)



Police Academy (1997)



Blade (2007)

Here's a great glimpse into 15 TV shows that almost were, including The Jerk, Revenge of the Nerds, Fargo and Driving Miss Daisy!

Revenge of the Nerds Pilot

And yes, there was even a Poltergeist tv series.

VHS Cover of the Day: A Father's Revenge (1988)

He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special (1987)

Watch as Skeletor learns about the true meaning of Christmas...Jesus....I'm serious.

WTF Comcast?

As I have often pondered the question, "Who writes this crap?!" while perusing the Comcast On Demand selection, I was stoked to find, WTF Comcast! Nice one!

via Coudal via Slashfilm

Movie themes made awkward

Ok, I hope the rest of the campers don't kill me for this, BUT I just have a huge soft spot for all things '80s and terrible and awesome, like this clip. Movie themes from two of my childhood favorites, The NeverEnding Story and Goonies as performed by Kids Incorporated. I love how that first kid over emotes the whole thing, it's uber talent showy. They don't make 'em like they used to! Singing "Goonies 'R' Good Enough" is Martika, who went on to have a few '80s hits later on, including "Toy Soldiers," great song! And keep an eye for 10-year old Fergie in the blue jumper. She's much better here than in last night's Music Awards or whatever event that was.

I remembered Kids Incorporated fondly, but watching clips on youtube, I don't recognize anything other than the intro. Anyone else watch this? It looks terrible! What was I thinking?! Bitching logo though...



I was thinking I might post the soundtracks to each film, but this might be better, and more interesting for others, a collection of remixes for each song! Who doesn't love a remix, right? Here we have a bunch of "Goonies 'R' Good Enough" mixes along with the original b-side, "What a Thrill." Thanks to Vinnie Rattolle for compiling the "Good Enough" mixes. Check out his site for many other Goonies goodies among other amazing shares. Also included with Limahl's "The NeverEnding Story" remixes is the rare French version of the song with additional vocals by Ann Calvert. I don't know who that is and I don't why I told you. And i don't really know how to pronounce "Limahl."

Cyndi Lauper - Goonies 'R' Good Enough Mixes

Limahl - The NeverEnding Story Mixes

I'll Be Lurking For You: Ode to Dr. Paul Bearer

If I could credit one person for my love of horror, without a doubt I'd say Dr. Paul Bearer. Bearer hosted Creature Feature on WTOG in Tampa, which came on Saturdays after my cartoons of choice. He was a real treat to watch, as a kid, I got the impression he was a class act in spite of being a creep. But his appeal was pretty wide, he made frequent appearances around town and hosted a number of other similar feature shows. At the time, I had no idea the local horror host program was a national phenomena, but Creature Feature turned out to be a little different. The show was the longest running of it's kind, ending in 1995 after 21 years when Dr. Bearer passed away. And his fans are still many, have a look at this archive of his shows, incredible! I've never forgotten his famous sign off, the always eerie, "I'll be lurking for you..."



I heard there was an attempt to revive the series a few years ago with Professor Bearer, Dr. Bearer's long lost nephew. But it didn't last long. I'm sure most of you remember weekly camp movie presentations on cable like USA's Up All Night with Rhonda Shear and Gilbert Godfried, Monster Vision with Joe Bob Briggs and Mystery Science Theater 3000. Where has this lost art gone?! Bring back the creature features!

Check out some other amazing local horror tv show title cards, and you can find many more linked here:

Fuzzbucket (1986)

My dad is one of those awesome dads who taped a handful of quality videos for my brother and I to watch as youngsters. And I mean complete quality, movies like Star Wars, Clash of the Titans, Flash Gordon, Godzilla 1985, Winds of Change...I could go on for the better part of a day about the great cinema my brother and I indulged in by way of dad's tapes. But today I will go on about one specific tape that seems all but forgotten by the rest of the world...Fuzzbucket! Check out the Disney Sunday Movie intro below:



My dad taped this after I bugged him when seeing an ad while he was already taping the Ewok Adventure for me, so he dropped it on the same tape right afterward. I couldn't ask for a better double feature as a 7-year old. Fuzzbucket finds Michael talking to his imaginary friend through the first half, asking him all sorts of questions and generally looking like a maniac as he yells to the empty seat next to him. Fuzzbucket reveals he was out past midnight so his guts are invisible. Weird Gremlins-like, curfew-supporting, logic-suspending reason, but as a kid, I bought it. But then the awesome stuff happens when Michael makes a magic potion to make Fuzzbucket visible.

This movie rules. No questions. No doubts. It's difficult to find more info on this, but what little was found suggests this was originally intended to be a TV pilot, probably to pull some of Alf's audience, I'd imagine.




Fuzzbucket stars Chris Herbert, John Vernon, John Regalbuto, Teen Witch, Fran Ryan and Phil Fondacaro, who's starred in Troll (including the new one), The Garbage Pail Kids and as an ewok in Return of the Jedi. It comes full circle. I'm sure the ewoks will get their own post on here someday...

Alas, there is no official release of any kind for Fuzzbucket to my knowledge.

UPDATE: 9.2011  -- Disney has since released this as part of the Generations collection, grab a copy now! YEAAAHHHH