Hudson Hawk (1991)

David Caruso, Sandra Bernhard, Zangief and Frank Stallone. The supporting cast of dreams. Yes, they're all here alongside Bruce Willis, Danny Aiello, Andie MacDowell and James Coburn in Hudson Hawk! This movie reeks of '90s absurdity with Willis getting back to comedy, but unfortunately, he's not always as funny as he thinks. This is based on Willis' one & only script, and it's fun enough, but it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, even when allowing for absurdity to reign.

Willis plays Hawkins aka The Hudson Hawk, a cat burglar recently paroled who gets pulled into a crazy heist involving DaVinci and candy bars. His partner is Danny Aiello and together they time their heist by singing the same song at the same time while doing their tasks. Watches would be easier. And quieter. 'Cause they're singing this shit full blast in museum showrooms. Sayin'. The movie just gets nuttier and nuttier until it's full on lasers and DaVinci plans and glass shape thingies; I'm not sure what Willis was thinking. It's like part Indiana Jones, part Moonlighting, a dash of Caddyshack (not the funny parts) and maybe a sprinkle of food poisoning.




I'm a pretty big Willis fan, so I kind of enjoyed seeing this and maybe it only ought to stay for fans of Bruno. Hawk got terrible reviews on its release and it won for a sackful of Razzies in 1992. You could do way worse when it comes to screwball comedies though. And I think that's part of the marketing problem, which Wikipedia confirmed for me. You'd think they'red be more action based on the trailer, but it's more along the lines of Stallone's '90s screwball comedy Oscar or something, with action bits. David Caruso was pretty funny-though-bordering-on-annoying in his non-speaking role which ends with him painted up as a statue and then being crossbowed. And Andie MacDowell is cute as a button as always. But ultimately, if you just want to see Willis blow some stuff up, just watch Die Hard again. I assume all of you own it, and if not delete me from your memory banks, you're dead to me.

Man I want that baseball cap!

I think Willis and crew expected this to be a big hit though; there was a video game and the soundtrack features two duets from Willis and Aiello performing their heist tunes. There was a pretty heavy marketing campaign for it as well, and I'm sure if you've never seen the movie, you've at least heard of it. Well now you have. And you can hear the duets, including the whole soundtrack below. And if you're feeling especially saucy this weekend, you can grab the Gameboy rom also.

Hudson Hawk Soundtrack

Hudson Hawk for Gameboy, lucky you

"Slurp my butt."

Camp Wrestling Camp Part 3

In the last wrestling post I mentioned the Macho Man's rap album, remember? Well in case you didn't have the get-up-and-go to investigate the matter for yourself, that's what we're doing today.

But let me back up a second and discuss the much beloved Hulk Hogan (and his Wrestling Boot Band) album from 1995, pre-Hollywood Hulk Hogan days. It's a weirdo mix and mash of genres, ranging from ballads to rap to pop. The album was produced by, and also features vocals from, The Mouth of the South Jimmy Hart, who before getting involved the with the WWF, was known from his work in '60s group The Gentrys, who generally just teetered outside the top 40, but did have one hit with "Keep on Dancing."

Anyways, this album here is RIDICULOUS. I'm not sure why Hulk did this, especially in 1995. I'm sure if he did an album between 1983 and 1987, I would have listened to it everyday for a good mental pump up as a kid, but alas, we instead get the Hogan on the decline and I'm not sure what to make of it. It's funny of course, but in no way pumps me up mentally or emotionally to get through the day.

Hulk Hogan - Hulk Rules

The Macho Man counters with a much more out-of-his-prime move and released this album in 2003! 2003!!!!!!!! His wrestling career was all but wrapped up by that point, so he decided he needed to release a RAP album, and even includes a diss track at Hogan, who had also pretty much retired at this point. I don't think they were even wrestling in the same league or anything. I'm not positive on that, but two aging wrestlers throwing diss tracks at each would be pretty funny to hear on a regular basis.

Macho Man - Be a Man

Of the two, Hogan's more listenable for its kitsch value, and it's not harsh on the ears. Savage does the whole album is his coarse tone and it's def not fun to listen to repeatedly. "I Want to be a Hulkamaniac," "Hulkster in Heaven" and "Be a Man" are instant camp classics, but they're all ridiculous, ha!

What's especially funny is back in the mid '90s I saw both Hogan and Macho Man at Clearwater Beach, FL during the height of their feuds I think. They were chilling in a parking lot, buddying around and signing autographs, there for a pre-olympic beach volleyball qualifying match. Very funny to see those guys out of the ring.

Xtro (1982)

Man Xtro was a pretty wild ride I thought. The basic premise is that Sam is abducted by aliens in front of his kid, and everyone just thinks he ran off and left the family. He returns three years later in pretty epic fashion—an alien beams down to earth and then rapes some lady and then Sam is born, all in the same evening! He then returns to his family. His wife, Rachel, is seeing a new dude, Joe, and she's all sorts of emotionally mixed up since Sam says he has no idea what happened to him.

Sam then tries to get his family to come with him (he knows he's an alien) and all sorts of wacky shit starts happening. It was kind of like Phantasm for me with it's wild mindfuck sort of events happening. It was kind of slow in the interesting way most older films are, not like BAM BAM BAM hollywood thinks viewers needs to stay attentive. I dug this quite a bit, unlike it's horrible horrible two sequels. Both were also directed by Harry Bromley Davenport, but carry none of the visceral and interesting qualities the first has. They're both rips of Aliens and Predator! But with awful aliens! The alieb in Xtro 3 is especially ridiculous, and I can't even bring myself to review those two, but I'll include some screens. And despite however intriguing these may look to you, please for the love of all that is holy and blessed in this world, avoid them at all costs.

Jan Michael VIncent! Boom!

Nope, not as bad ass as Predator

Davenport has claimed recently that he's begun work on Xtro 4, saying it will be more like the first in terms of mind bending. Everyone has been saying the problem with parts 2 and 3 are that while Davenport kept copyright over the name Xtro, he did not retain any rights to the characters or story. I say hogwash, that doesn't give you the right to make a shitty movie!

The original Xtro had a few alternate endings, the first being cut because producers weren't in love with the special effects, the second being cut because Davenport thought it was kind of dull which brought us to the one used in the film. Here's the original for those who have seen Xtro or if you're interested in this kind of thing.

Aw Hell! and Ole grandday Caruthers ain't forgotten about how you like some old forgotten scores! I cannot for the life of remember where this is from, but here it is, thanks goes out to the cosmos! TRIVIA: The score is done by none other than Harry Bromley-Davenport himself! Exclamation point!

Xtro score

PS PS BONUS BONUS AGAIN:

Here's a sweet interview I found with Davenport on making Xtro, really cool stuff. Followed by the Siskel and Ebert review, SPOILER: They're not huge fans of it, but don't let that stop you from seeing this! Love the RCA video disc commercial at the end. I had recently researched a bunch of those for a separate post and boy do I just love old technology!

Rooftops (1989) - Soundtrack

I have taken forever to put this up, and have even given it out other places before putting it on our own blog (for shame, I know!) but in the recent lull of reviews, now seems as good a time as any to share this amazing (for me) find...

The way out of print soundtrack to Rooftops! I found this for $1 at a record shop in Philadelphia last summer, brand new, and didn't have a way to get it to mp3 until this past January. I have been jamming to it since, no doubt. In that same trip I found the soundtrack, not score, to Scrooged and if there's interest even though holiday season is quite nearly an eternity away, I suppose I can get that up also.

Anyways, this album is produced by Dave Stewart of the Eurythmics and features a track he did with Etta James! It's the album opener and a pretty raucous jam. Enjoy at will.

Rooftops 1989

Jake Speed (1986)

I missed Jake Speed when it first was released as a hopeful summer blockbuster, but it appears many people hold this film dear. Speed follows the Indiana Jones/Romancing the Stone adventurer vibe with the twist that Jake Speed is a fictional character based on a real life schlub.

The real life Speed is tapped by a woman to help her missing sister and through some twists, unbelievable turns and crude jokes, he finds her and takes down the baddies. That's it really. I may not have been watching hard enough; I did find it difficult to keep my attention on this and would start doing laundry or other cleaning. That's how bad it was! It drove me to domestic cleanliness!

Maybe it wouldn't be so terrible for me now if I had the exposure at 10 years old. The only good things I found were John Hurt, Karen Kopins was pretty cute, and a handful of cheesy one liners, which I always enjoy. It was like writer/star Wayne Crawford wanted to show the world that he was cooler than Harrison Ford, but he didn't know his fly was down the entire time. Who the hell is Wayne Crawford anyways?! I still don't know.

For those that have fond memories of ole Speedy, you'll likely enjoy this treat, the sweet Mark Snow keyboard drenched score! I did enjoy that quite a bit.

Jake Speed (1986) Soundtrack

You can rent it on Netflix if you want, or if you're a maniac, you can buy it on Amazon.

Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)

I'm not sure why no one told me about Andy Sidaris before, but holy hell, his movies are insane! Not Malice in Wonderland insane, but like everything you've ever wanted in a movie plus snakes insane! Specifically, I'm talking about Hard Ticket to Hawaii.

This is a dude's movie all around, filled with gratuitous everything, from explosions to boobs to one liners to sports to shallow villains and well shit EVERYTHING AWESOME. I could probably go on about how thin and ridiculous the plot is, but it'd be like like telling Clint Howard he has a big forehead, he already knows! This movie in no way attempts to be anything other than what I described and that's the way writer/director Sidaris likes it. It's admittedly trashy, terrible and tasteless, but I promise you, it's a hell of a lot better than a Brendan Fraser movie. Quickie plot synopsis (this is going to be hard), but ok, some agents of some kind are in Hawaii and find some diamonds that drug dealers lost in a little helicopter. After a failed attempt to recover the diamonds, an agent and her friend call in some other friends and go give the drug dealers hell. Oh and there's a snake that has rat cancer.

Here's a couple clips from the movie, there are more if you search on youtube, this movie's a gold mine.

It doesn't surprise me that these movies get made, but what does surprise me is that Hard Ticket to Hawaii had two original songs for it! WHHAAATTT?! Sorry I am hyper, I just finished watching it and am pumped is all. Here is one of those amazing tunes.

Gary Stockdale - Hard Ticket

William Robert Thornton

I remember when Bo Jackson was hot shit as a double sport athlete back in the day. He definitely earned the hype because, well, he was good at what he did. I'm not sure why the double up doesn't work as well in the acting/singing field, though there have definitely been successes throughout the years. The pile of suck is great though, as I definitely find some charm in failed celebrity albums. Bruce Willis, Joe Pesci, John Travolta, even Steven Seagal have all released albums but what baffles me most is Billy Bob Thornton is still releasing albums! I've read a ton of positive reviews but I just don't hear it honestly.

So why, if I am not fond of his music, would I want to post this sampler from his very first release? Well in addition to four horrendous, if not entertaining music tracks are four interview tracks on his inspiration and love for music, all the usual crap musicians say. What's best is that this release was during his Angelina Days, so there's a lot of funny anecdotes and lyrics here in retrospect. I am being hard on the guy for sure, but he's sold a ton of albums since this release and was even listed in the top 20 Americana albums of 2009 from the AMA. I will let you guys judge though.

And his website...a feast for the eyes to be sure...

Billy Bob - Private Radio Sampler

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 Cassette

This is just one of those awesome finds, that when you do find it, you have to share it with the rest of the world. Recently, our good friend Darsh found this ultra rare Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 cassette soundtrack and made some sweet scans. I did a little more digging and found the actual tracks on Cinemageddon from a vinyl rip. So now what you guys can do is, record these mp3s onto cassette through the method of your choosing, print out these scans and voila, you have your own replica TCM2 cassette soundtrack. At least that it what I am going to do.

TCM2 - Cassette

Rawhead Rex vs Pumpkinhead

For absolutely no reason other than that I love movie monsters, I am going to ask you, dear readers, to choose your favorite of the "Head" demons, Rawhead Rex and Pumpkinhead. I am assuming everyone has seen and loves these epic monster movies (Darsh, I'm looking at you), but for the uninformed, let us begin the "Two-Headed" debate by first reviewing the trailers:

As you can plainly see, both of these movies rule even from just the trailers alone. I love both for very different reasons, but now, let's review what both have going for them and where they may edge out the other. Both are created by masters in their respective arts. Rawhead Rex comes from a Clive Barker short story (though he has disowned this film) and Pumpkinhead comes from effects genius Stan Winston. Plus for both. With Winston on its side, Pumpkinhead looks way more...finished I guess, but Rawhead seriously rules in a campy way, see below:




Hm, for sheer effects, this one goes to the ole' Pump. Winston, although his handiwork was limited in this film, really does have the more creepy monster. Rawhead is more of a pissed off drinking buddy, the high school jock to Pumpkinhead's goth kid. Don't underestimate the power of a pissed off jock though, because I'm giving extra credit to Rawhead for sheer bad assness. Watch an edited version of his trailer park devastation and then witness the baptism of his disciple Declan O'Brien:

You see?! I would say both have left lasting impressions on horror fans, but Pumpkinhead definitely has left the greater of the two with three sequels, a spot in McFarlane's Movie Monsters toy line and a failed attempt at a comic mini series (only 2 out 4 issues were published). A comic adaptation of Rawhead Rex was also done, but it's based directly on the short story and didn't really come about because of the movie. The movie itself follows the original story almost exactly, but it just loses the terror in favor of wrecking shit up, while we get a bit more creepiness here. The visual representation of Rawhead Rex is vastly different in the comic adaptation, see below, followed by the covers for all 3 pieces we're talking about here. Click further below to get the whole comic.

Rawhead Rex Graphic Novel

But hard economic times are upon us all, and even Pumpkinhead (from the 2006 Ashes to Ashes sequel) has been seen taking a second job promoting Raisin Bran Crunch over in the UK. Ah marketing. Anyways, we could do week long posts on both monsters I'm sure, but I'll cut it short here with some extra visual goodness after the Raisin Bran video plus the promotional score to Pumpkinhead by Richard Stone. Thanks to the original person who made that available! And just to prove the rabid fanbase both these films have, we found both Rawhead Rex and Pumpkinhead tattoos!

Pumpkinhead Promotional Score