The Great Epic Ape Attack Of ‘09

If you’re anything like me, and I’m assuming you are because you’re reading this, there’s sometimes a bit more satisfaction in watching a really good knock-off than watching a really good movie. It’s like knowing a deep dark secret a good friend tells you in confidence, but you already heard the fact casually from his older brother.

Today we look (laugh) at the lesser siblings of Kong, and though one could make the argument that Peter Jackson’s version deserves to be profiled, I think while it sucks, it doesn’t suck in the awesome way that might earn it a place in this post. It Just sucks. So we begin with Kong's epic comeback story, King Kong Lives.

Thanks to advances in ‘80s gigantic primate medicine, doctors are able to revive Kong from his decade-long coma by way of a massive heart transplant. His heart is not only weakened by the previous film’s traumas, but by his new love, Lady Kong. And Linda Hamilton.

Prior to making her dramatic turn in Lives, Ms. Kong can be found whipping up comedy mischief in her first starring role as Queen Kong. This British hunk of ape turd was produced in ‘76 amid Kong fervor due to the original remake.

Not to be outdone, the Chinese volley a year later with The Mighty Peking Man.Tarantino has since released this on DVD through his distribution company, so check it out!

Before any of these ‘70s Kong rip-offs, came Konga, the original poo-slinging copycat. And if you couldn’t smell the Kong-itutde from hearing the title alone, it’s original theatrical poster directly compares the two. Of note: Konga's career actually had a minor run in comic books also. EDIT: I’m not sure how I could have made this incredible editorial oversight, but Konga also stars Michael Gough, who some twenty years later would go one to be everyone’s favorite Batman butler, Alfred in the ‘80s and ‘90s series!

And in the essence of brevity, if I can still be afforded that at this point, with no comment check out Kong's two Japanese title bouts between Godzilla and a mechanized version of himself.

If you’re still with me at this point, you’re lucky, ’cause as is often the case, we’ve saved the best for last.

Did we miss any contenders? Let us know in the comments!
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