Yor (1983)
I know what youre thinking “I love Conan the Barbarian and Star Wars and Wayne’s World, and can’t pick which one is my favorite!” Now you dont have to! Let me explain. The movie opens with Yor doing some kind of aerobic runs through the highlands. Barbarian, check. In the end, yes, Yor realizes he’s a hunter, from the future, and him and the barbarians he lives with become expert laser marksmen against the foes from the future. Lasers, check.
Just prior to the credits (and the epic outro music), the knowing voiceover reveals that Yor now has a chance to change the past, “Yor returns to the primitive tribes on the mainland, he is determined to use his superior knowledge to prevent them from making the same mistakes as his forefathers, will he succeed?“ I always appreciate a sequel set-up, but, uh, we've got to be talking at least 300,000 years of history and, unless I missed something, he’s not “Yor, the Immortal Hunter from the Future.”
Yor, Hunter from the Future kind of gives away huge plot details just in its title and poster but it’s still really fun to watch, espceially because Yor looks like a muscley Garth. Check.
Check out the whole thing on YouTube
Or buy it on VHS
And, as one extra added bonus of sweet magic, here’s a piece from the now out of print epic soundtrack!
Conquest (1983)
Goddam Lucio Fulcio knows how to make a movie! Also released in 1983 Conquest has the most banging opening 10 minutes evar: exposed brains, lots of boobs, talking werewolves, a lady being ripped in half, cannibalism and serpentine-eroticism. Fulci is the Italian grandaddy of gory-epic-awesome who also made other great films such as Zombie 2 and the New York Ripper. This film is totally weird, set in an unknown ancient land, has a sexy Destro villain with trippy monsters and lasers and lots and lots of fog. See for yourself below.
Buy Conquest
Or rent it from Netflix
Stay tuned for more absurd barbarianism in future posts.
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