MJRM2009: Ratboy (1986)

I have no idea where I originally saw this movie, but deep in the recesses of my memory, I thought I loved this...

And I think I still do, but, Ratboy is bad, I mean a real stinker. Starring and directed by Sondra Locke, it’s hard to tell what we’re watching. It’s not really funny, it’s hard to establish any real drama here, like in ET or something similar, and it’s kind of slow as hell. Locke starts by trying to pimp out the rat/human hybrid kidnapped from his sewer dwelling but he just wants to left alone. Even Mr. Belvedere makes an appearance to help Ratboy assimilate into his new non-sewer life. Ratboy just wants to crush on Locke and not be out in the public, though I will say he deals with people reasonably well considering his circumstances. So anyways, he eventually freaks out and runs away, people chase him, Locke realizes he should be left alone, the end.

And actually Ratboy is really Ratgirl, Eugene is played by former Mousketeer Sharon Baird (funny how that worked out) with help from make up maestro Rick Baker and big puffy shirt to hide her boobs.




Ratboy has a number of comedian appearances and cameos including Louie Anderson, Bill Maher, Robert Townsend, Gerrit Graham and Larry Hankin. I have no idea why in the hell Locke would want to make this movie, and wouldn’t be surprised if she and Clint ended up destroying all the prints. Maybe this is why they broke up even, I mean, I hate to spread rumors, but the connection would seem obvious after you’ve watched this all the way through. And now that I think about it, Locke was no stranger to rat movies. She also starred in the original Willard, which was followed by Ben, whose title song was performed MJ, which is why we’re even talking about Ratboy right now. Amazing how that worked out, if not for her and Clint.



To date, Ratboy doesn’t have a DVD release (not surprising), but you can find used VHS copies around the web.

EDIT: Ah, well, Blogger took down our previous post because of the MJ song, and any explanation of why we’re talking rats. Basically, MJ sang them theme to Ben, so we’re honoring his memory with a week’s worth of rat posts. Reasonable, no?

Movie Comics Compilation part 2

Wizard World begins tomorrow! Nerds Ahoy! So as promised, to get your engines all revved up, here’s a second helping of movie comic adaptations, or comic sequels to movies, you get the idea.

We first have this Snake Plisskin one shot from Marvel released in 1997. Snake’s adventures here are set after the events in Escape from New York but before Escape from L.A.. This was Marvel’s only Snake Plisskin outing, but in 2003, CrossGen released a 4 part series called John Carpenter’s Snake Plissken Chronicles. I have two friends who used to work for CrossGen’s online comics doing voiceover; CrossGen was the first company to offer such a service. They folded a handful of years ago due to bankruptcy though.

The Adventures of Snake Plissken (One Shot)

Who doesn’t have a soft spot for Howard the Duck? I firmly believe if his name was anything other than Howard, this series wouldn’t have gotten anywhere. Barry the Duck just doesn’t have the sane ring to it. What’s interesting here is the Dark Overlords in this comic aren’t giant awesome bug monsters, but instead take duck form once it gets out of Jennings’ body. Not nearly as cool!

Howard the Duck - The Movie #1

Howard the Duck - The Movie #2

Howard the Duck - The Movie #3

Here’s the comic adaption of Romero’s Dawn of the Dead (based on James Gunn’s 2004 screenplay). This is published by IDW who also put out a good string of other horror movie comics, including Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th series. But fret not, my friends, this is gory, and not just by comic standards! I think the gore is what keeps IDW publishing going, but don’t hold me to that.

Dawn of the Dead #1

Dawn of the Dead #2

Dawn of the Dead #3

I had a huge hard on for Stargate when it was first released in 1994, with its crazy Egyptian space travel. The art changes over the course of these four issues, starting with über-90s over texturization and settling on manga. It’s kind of distracting. But the awesome thing is that this series was edited by none other than Don Chin!..Wait...who? Chin created the great parody series Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters, a favorite of mine for a short period growing up. Maybe one day, if the time is right we’ll dig into them as part of TMNT post, but for now you can read the original series online for free! Oh yeah, Stargate!

Stargate #1

Stargate #2

Stargate #3

Stargate #4

Previously:
Movie Comics Compilation part 1

Wizard World and Kaiju Big Battel!

As we’ve mentioned previously, there’re a couple great events happening in Philly this weekend we think you should check out, so we’re recapping here. First of all, NerdFest, aka Wizard World Philadelphia starts this Friday and runs through Sunday. In addition to the usual comic guests, there will be a bunch of great sci-fi and b-movie actors on hand to sign your crap. Regulars like Lou Ferrigno, Peter Mayhew and Ray Park will be on hand, along with Ted Raimi, Tom Savini, Edward James Olmos, Darcy DeMoss and Max Brooks, author of World War Z. There’ll also be a partnership with the Video Game Expo to doubley nerdify the event this year, with competitions and retro gaming tables all weekend. These events are nuts, so get your tickets early! And if none of this has convinced you yet (what’s wrong with you?!), then maybe the premiere screening of Blood: The Last Vampire on Friday night will!




Secondly, this Saturday night is Kaiju Big Battel’s All Out War 2 at the Trocadero! If you can’t enough monster mayhem on screen, come watch tiny cities crumble live, right before your awe-struck eyes. As if all this wasn’t enough, there’s also the added bonus of the Rigor Mortis Revue Sampler Zombie Burlesque show as part of admission! Can a weekend get any better than this?! NO! Get your tickets now!



We’ll be on hand at both events, naturally, so if you can’t make either for whatever silly reasons, check back here. You can get updates and pretend you were there to impress (or offend) your friends.

Orca (1977)

I think many people are familiar with this De Laurentiis flop, so I’ll be brief and say simply, this movie traumatized my wife. Like many, she caught it as youngster during the early days of TBS going national. Their Saturdays were filled with total movie awesomeness, Orca being in pretty heavy rotation. But this repetition is not what traumatized her, but the miscarriage, oh dear god, the killer whale miscarriage.

Let me back up and run through the story as briefly as permits...We have Richard Harris, a salty ole sea dog who is out to catch himself an orca after seeing a dazzling presentation on their intellect and cunning. So in his pursuit, rather than catching his first killer whale, he kills it. While its mate watches. And she has a terrible, wretching, slow-mo miscarriage. Whales wailing, Harris sprays the whale fetus into the ocean, and with it any future plans he has, because as we learn, killer whales are some of the most vengeful creatures anywhere! Mr. Orca swears revenge in his whale screams and vows to make Harris’s life hell in hilarious and terrible ways. Harris gives in after a series of absurd attacks ending when the whale kills Bo Derek in her first film role. Harris finally succumbs to the bullying and hollers out to sea “I’ll fight you, you revengeful sunvabitch!!!!!!” The whale then leads him out to the parking lot, er I mean Arctic and then kicks Harris’ ass, and then commits whale suicide.



Trauma pics below, consider this your warning! Harris even throws up in his mouth a little bit.






If you didn’t see this on TBS, you have to see it now because it’s so ridiculous and entertaining to watch unfold. Director Michael Anderson directed other cult classics like the 1956 version of Orwell’s 1984, and the Kris Kristofferson gem Millennium. The one actual quality part of this movie is the score is by workaholic Italian master, Ennio Morricone. There is, however, a pretty ridiculous end credit song by Carol Connors and Morricone that recounts dramatically the relationship between Harris and the whale, that begins during the whale suicide ending. Check it out below, it wasn’t easy to find, but make sure to also grab the whole score, which really is awesome.

Orca Soundtrack

Carol Connors & Ennio Morricone - My Love, We Are One

Buy Orca/ Rent It

The Legend of Dinosaurs and Monster Birds (1977)

Don't be fooled. I know this poster and the movie’s title would lead you to believe there are a bunch of dinos and birds in this piece. In fact, there aren't any dinosaurs or monster birds in Legend of Dinosaurs and Monsters Birds if you want to get technical. What we do have are two prehistoric monsters though, a Plesiosaur and a Rhamphornycus, which aren’t true dinosaurs. But I will concede that the title is truly epic, and that I am truly a nerd.

There are quite a couple remarkable things about this movie, though, that I think make it worth viewing, starting with its crazy Japanese-Monster-Disco soundtrack. This kind of soundtrack isn’t really that unusual, if not expected, from the kaiju movies of the ‘70s. You’re running, you’re scared, there’s a monster chasing you or about to fight another crazy monster, you might as well boogie, right?



In contrast to, let’s say, a Godzilla movie, Legend of Dinosaurs and Monsters Birds is fairly gory! There’s enough lost limbs and decapitation to satisfy the Clarence Boddikers of the world, but frankly...there’s not enough monster in this monster movie. I would like to think that the director, Junji Kurata, was trying to pull of a Jaws effect by not giving away the beast too early. What’s more likely is that the “dino” model looked like crap and he didn’t want it to be so obvious. And that notion, is only mocked by the disc’s packing with a huge blurb that says “HIGHEST BUDGETED TOEI FEATURE OF ITS TIME!” Yikes. We don’t even get any “monster birds” until the last 20 or so minutes.




All in all though, Legend of Dinosaurs and Monsters Birds holds a special place in my heart as it reminds me of the days when TNT had MonsterVision and TBS showed ridiculous flicks like this on a regular basis, including many Godzilla movies. Those hours spent watching rubber suited men slap each other around really shaped my brother and me. He is still an avid Godzilla buff and I still enjoy watching men in rubber suits battle...by that I mean KAIJU BIG BATTEL!! If you’re in Philly on June 20, do yourself a favor and check it out!



Buy Legend of Dinosaurs and Monster Birds / Rent It

Movie Comics Compilation part 1

Ok, so since I am on a comic kick with Wizard World Philadelphia on the way, I will divert from our normal content for a moment and present to you, dear readers, this first in a series of comic movie adaptations! These are collected from various sources, so thanks to the original scanners across the web, many from "seedy" movie forums. If you're unfamiliar with .cbr and .cbz files, they're archive formats that comic readers use, but are basically .zip and .rar files. You can easily change the extension (cbz -> zip and cbr -> rar) and extract the images and open in any image viewer if you'd prefer that.

First we have the Marvel adaptation of House II, a movie you would think might be passed over for this kind of marketing treatment, but I'm glad it's here. Maybe Marvel saw a franchise opportunity with the lightened tone of this compared the previous House film. Great '80s art with yellowing pages, hot damn! Awesomely enough this adaptation is written by Ralph Macchio! Psych! Well...it is, but not the same Ralph Macchio who starred with Pat Morita in the Karate Kid films.

House II - The Second Story (One Shot)

Fun Fact: I had a major crush on Supergirl when I was a kid. This adaptation has a number of Supergirl pinups in it my young self would have loved immensely. Looking at this now, and maybe it's just me, but the innuendo makes me feel weird...

Supergirl: The Official Movie Adaptation (One Shot)

Next we have the Child's Play 2 3-issue series. Following this adaptation, Innovation (who also published a Quantum Leap series!) began a regular Child's Play series, though it lasted only 5 issues. Love this panel:

Child's Play 2 #1

Child's Play 2 #2

Child's Play 2 #3

Finally, this Dark Horse mini-series actually picks up 24 hours after John Carpenter's The Thing ends, following survivors MacReady and Childs. Good stuff in keeping with the tone of the movie and an awesome cliffhanger. If you dig the movie, you'll dig this. There's also 3 more series that followed this one we'll post in the coming weeks.

The Thing From Another World #1

The Thing From Another World #2

Hellgate (1989)

You know how sometimes the genre lines are blurred in certain movies, like in Die Hard for instance, hell yeah it's a kick ass action flick but you also shed a tear when McClane and his wife get back together at the end. Or like how in Die Hard 2, after most explosions McClane says the most hilarious one-liners ever. I might even go so far as to cite Die Hard 3’s action/comedy as an example. Sometimes however, those lines are crossed unintentionally and hilariously, and that’s where Hellgate comes in.



Now with all the ridiculousness on display, it’s possible that director William Levy knew exactly what he was doing with Hellgate, because I’ll be damned if he didn’t find this as funny as I did. There’s so much awesomeness that happens with flimsy explanation, like the magic crystal, crazy muscle dudes, hot dead ladies, a dude even gets decapitated with a store sign! And best of all, Horshack!! And even better than best of all, Hellgate comes on a double feature disc with The Pit! I mean come on!

So let me outline the story briefly, and probably in the wrong order since I’m writing this from memory. Some crazy mean biker dudes bust into a bad diner set and are jerks to everyone. They end up kidnapping and killing a young girl outside said diner. Her dad loses it, and at some point in the future, he finds a weird crystal that makes some things blowup and dead things come back to life. That scene is one of my faves actually. Naturally, dad goes to bring his daughter back to life. So meanwhile, there’s a group of kids who recount the story I just recounted to you, and one of them, Matt, Horshack, picks up a lady hitchiker, crazy dad’s dead daughter, and she tries to seduce him. He leaves her and meets up with his friends, They end up in a graveyard and find the tomb of the girl he just saw. Matt’s freaking out at this point, and he tells them he needs to figure out who she is, much to the dismay of his girlfriend. Anyways, they make it to Hellgate and, well, all hell breaks loose. One of the original biker dudes is there and is hilarious, there’s a weird carnival and senseless killing. The production values were so low on this movie, as some buildings tumble in the finale, it’s so obviously cardboard, that I’m not sure the crazy dad really died. Papercut maybe, but not dead.

Check out some other clips below:





Buy It with The Pit / Rent It

Airborne: Jack Black Before He Was Jack Black

Jack Black wasn't always that silly, pudgy guy you know from such flicks as School of Rock and High Fidelity. Nope, in the 1993 film Airborne, he was something much worse--a hockey-loving-jean-jacket-wearing douchebag named Augie. He and his street hockey lovin' buddies deemed it necessary to pick on the film's fish-out-of-water, Mitchell Goosen played by Shane McDermott, a hippie new kid who lives for surfing and rollerblading--to the point of gayness. Essentially it's one big dork-fest with lots of poetic non-sense, macho posturing, Seth Green wonkiness and rollerblades. In other words, it's good entertainment. Watch some clips:








Watch the full film in 10 adrenaline-filled, cheese-tastic parts.