The Great Epic Ape Attack: Addendum 02

This ranks up there as one of my favorite awful giant ape movies, right next to King Kong Lives and Yeti. Don't get me wrong, by all accounts A*P*E is completely terrible. There was little thought that went into Paul Leder's Kong rip off, from the spectacular lack of dialogue which results in minutes-long scenes of people screaming to the super size discrepancies in the monster ape. But let me run you through the amazing parts:

1) Though there's little dialogue, what's spoken is pretty hilarious:

"To hell with the press I'm gonna smoke this cigarette!"

"He was just too big for our small world..."

2) The ape is a total dick, from destroying balsa wood homes to giving a destroyed helicopter the finger:

3) The terrible sound design. Entire sequences lack sound effects and the score repeats itself over and over and over...

4) Joanna Kerns!!! Before becoming hot mom Maggie Seaver, Kerns gave Jessica Lange a run for her money as 1976's simian love interest. This was her first movie, believe it or not.

5) Dino DeLaurentis filed a lawsuit against the filmmakers when pre-production had originally titled this New King Kong, resulting in two things. The first being the in-film director being named Dino. The second being a huge snipe across the posters that read 'NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH KING KONG'

6) The ape escapes from a boat and fights a giant shark in the first 10 minutes!! See A*P*E!!!

I think this qualifies as irony, so in light of the ape's changing size, and the fact that Mrs. Seaver stars, I'm going to post the Growing Pains theme...get it, growing pains???

The Great Epic Ape Attack Addendum 01
The Great Epic Ape Attack of ‘09


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