8/28/09

Demon Cop (1990)



WHERE TO BEGIN???!

It's rare that I'm at a loss for words, but Demon Cop not only leaves me speechless, but also in stitches. How this is possible I have no idea. But let me simplify this as much as I can:

2 parts Troll 2 - sheer comedic awfulness
1 part Batman - voice and vigilante justice
1 part werewolves
.5 parts Philadelphia - a man's struggle with his blood borne affliction
.5 parts rubber cleaning gloves

And now onto the goods; don't be fooled by the above image, the Demon Cop, Ed, never appears in cop garb. And I'm not sure how in the heck they got Cameron Mitchell to be in this. If you only watch one of these videos, make it number 5, it really sums up the whole story nicely, and is rather quite hilarious: In a bought of exhaustion from driving great lengths, struggling with a gate latch and kicking a chairs ass, Ed has no energy to explain what's going on to Kelly...so he types it out...and then the voice over reads it. Many revelations occur, so listen closely and hear the Demon Cop's anguish through his "beastial" voice. Okay so maybe I'm not at a loss for words...







8/25/09

Killer Workout aka Aerobicide (1986)



There were two hot properties that really define the '80s for many people, including myself: the rise of the direct-to-video market and aerobics.

Killer Workout begins with the tanning bed burning of some poor young lady we learn later to be the twin sister of Rhonda, owner of Rhonda's Gym. Unfortunately for Rhonda, a new series of grisly deaths start happening at her establishment, many through the use of a giant safety pin, no joke. Weird thing though, no one seems to really notice or care. I mean, wouldn't the cops be all over this place, closing it down to look for evidence, interview people and try to solve the crimes? Or even, wouldn't you want to avoid working out on a machine someone was killed on? But no, the gym stays open, people work out, and one cop asks around every now and then. I guess to be fair, no one really notices the killings, so how can you freak out about a crime you don't know exists, right? People are just missing until one unfortunate, vibrant young employee is being chased and finds bodies in rather open environments. I guess we don't watch these movies for their logic.



What makes perfect sense to me though is the extended aerobics scenes with jamming workout tunes! Check them out in context below, then find the soundtrack link even more below:









The quality on this isn't perfect: it's pulled from the video itself, so it's fractured in parts, but really, I'd take this over nothing at all! Thanks to Master Cylinder putting the grunt work in. The only questionable track, not in terms of quality though, is the song "Woman on Fire" as a motivational song, which (SPOLIER AHEAD!), in light of the burning Rhonda suffers in the intro which leads to her murders, seems...tasteless? Not sure that's the right word since she is a killer, but it's definitely misplaced. At any rate, I expect all of you to incorporate these songs into your daily workout.



Killer Workout writer/director David Prior would go on to make many more low-grade genius such as Future Zone, Raw Justice and Zombie Wars to list only a fraction. And you may have recognized Marcia Karr (Rhonda) from Chained Heat or Hardbodies or for the less boob-inclinded, Maniac Cop, a small part in Real Genius and the Adam West actioner Night of the Kickfighters aka Night Raiders.

8/17/09

Fuzzbucket (1986)


My dad is one of those awesome dads who taped a handful of quality videos for my brother and I to watch as youngsters. And I mean complete quality, movies like Star Wars, Clash of the Titans, Flash Gordon, Godzilla 1985, Winds of Change...I could go on for the better part of a day about the great cinema my brother and I indulged in by way of dad's tapes. But today I will go on about one specific tape that seems all but forgotten by the rest of the world...Fuzzbucket! Check out the Disney Sunday Movie intro below:



My dad taped this after I bugged him when seeing an ad while he was already taping the Ewok Adventure for me, so he dropped it on the same tape right afterward. I couldn't ask for a better double feature as a 7-year old. Fuzzbucket finds Michael talking to his imaginary friend through the first half, asking him all sorts of questions and generally looking like a maniac as he yells to the empty seat next to him. Fuzzbucket reveals he was out past midnight so his guts are invisible. Weird Gremlins-like, curfew-supporting, logic-suspending reason, but as a kid, I bought it. But then the awesome stuff happens when Michael makes a magic potion to make Fuzzbucket visible.

This movie rules. No questions. No doubts. It's difficult to find more info on this, but what little was found suggests this was originally intended to be a TV pilot, probably to pull some of Alf's audience, I'd imagine.




Fuzzbucket stars Chris Herbert, John Vernon, John Regalbuto, Teen Witch, Fran Ryan and Phil Fondacaro, who's starred in Troll (including the new one), The Garbage Pail Kids and as an ewok in Return of the Jedi. It comes full circle. I'm sure the ewoks will get their own post on here someday...

Alas, there is no official release of any kind for Fuzzbucket to my knowledge.

UPDATE: 9.2011  -- Disney has since released this as part of the Generations collection, grab a copy now! YEAAAHHHH

8/13/09

Cellar Dweller (1988)





This movie does not have angsty teenage metal heads... -10 points.

Although it DOES have comic book monsters that sever heads with karate chops... all is forgiven!

Directed by John Carl Buechler and starring Yvonne De Carlo this is a rare 80's classic that I vaguely remember and wish was a staple of my childhood... however it unfortunately was not...

Full of fantastic comic art, gore, great story telling and a morbid sense of humor this movie should be on every B horror film fans must see list!

And if you don't see it... "It'll Eat You Out Of House And Home..."

That was the most pathetic attempt at tying in the tagline with a post ever... Deal with it.

Screen Caps:





8/4/09

MJRM: For Further Research 1

Now that we we have squeaked our way past Rat Month, here's a brief but completely awesome look at rat films we didn't feature fully, but hope to in the future:

Deadly Eyes (1982)





Rats aka Killer Rats (2003)





Altered Species aka Rodentz (2001)




Willard (1971) & Ben (1972)





As many of you know, Willard was remade in 2003 by everyone's favorite eccentric, Crispin Glover. Here he is singing the sequel's title theme Ben. What a wacky guy.


A second batch of rat leftovers is coming soon! Stay tuned!

8/1/09

Terrorvision (1986)


Over-exposure to television, crazy conspiracy theorist war vet grandfather, swinger parents, bitchen' hair metal/punk teens and a satellite beaming in alien "garbage" directly through the TV screen... oh and dont foget the sexy Elvira ripoff!

If this film isn't an odd take on how media and film has over saturated our culture i don't know what is... although i may just be reading into a movie that just deserves a simple review of... "hunk of shit... super fun... alien... horror... comedy"

either way... what more could you want?

will possibly see a dvd release sometime in the near future... but ntohing has been confirmed...

please enjoy:

terror vision part 1